


Everything wrong with Omegaverse

by Starysky205



Series: Omegaverse [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ABO AU, Alpha Connor, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I don't know, I might’ve taken a few liberties, I refuse to apologize abt salty Evan, M/M, Marking, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of knotting, Omega Evan, Protective Connor, Protective Evan, Strong Language, angst with fluff, angsty fluff, connor's pov, heads up, hinted abuse?, if you like Jared-maybe don't read this story?, it's complicated - Freeform, maybe even mentioned, salty Evan, sky dives too deep, so much, so much comfort my dudes, strap on my dudes, subtextualy hinted rape, that's a warning, then not so subtextual, they switch, this one’s gonna be a ride, why did it take till now for me to add that?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 20,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starysky205/pseuds/Starysky205
Summary: There’s nothing fake about the way Evan Hansen feels for the volatile alpha with mismatched eyesThere’s nothing fake about the way Connor Murphy feels for the anxious omega with the tree obsessionThere’s everything fake with the way everyone else thinks they’re involvedAt least they aren’t alone anymore((The story is too serious for the title; you’ve been warned)) ((This is the one au I should’ve never gotten my hands on, yet here we are))((You thought I was done?))





	1. It started with him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor finds Evan Hansen under a tree; he is nowhere near high enough to justify everything that happens after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By all means, early June is still spring in the north, so like, why do people say summer? Summer starts on June 21??  
> Writing properly is so hard guys, so fucking hard. Ok, but I actually had a lot of fun writing this otherwise

_Going against the entire world was most likely a moot point, yet here was Connor, adding to his ever growing list of things that made him a disaster._

_When he presented as an alpha he wasn’t happy, his head was already half way down in the dreaded spiral by this point, and his changed status brought more cons than it did pros; but the thing was, he had hoped to be a beta. It hadn’t occurred to him until it happened, so for a bit he was mostly just confused, sure, there were plenty of reasons why he would dread being an alpha, his violent tendencies would be more dangerous, his disapproval of authority would worsen, so on; but when it came down to it, there was only one real reason why he didn’t want to be an alpha… mating_

_As a beta, he would’ve had an easier time avoiding any sexual activities, and it was problem because Connor really didn’t want to have sex._

_The moment he realized that he disliked the idea itself, he knew he was doomed; he would either have to isolate himself, or drown in even more self-hatred than he already has. So when he’s offered a third choice, a way out, he doesn’t think twice before taking it._

It started on a rather hot day of break, things had gotten hectic early on, but the way to his room had been blocked, so he took the only other way out of the situation, going out. It wasn’t weird that his mind would take him to the greener part of town; the weird part was that instead of the abandoned orchard he generally went to, he ended up driving to the state park; but since he wasn’t supposed to be driving in the first place, he decided to just roll with it.

It started because Connor had a tendency to over-walk when angry, and the park was large, and there was only so much of it you could see if you stuck to the trails, and sticking to the trails would’ve involved the chance of bumping into people, which, no thanks. So Connor got very lost, whatever, it was still better than back home.

It started with the sound of something getting a reminder of gravity, a re-encounter with the ground, Connor wasn’t high enough for metaphors, he wasn’t high period, which probably explained why he found himself moving in the direction of the sound, sober Connor made the smarter decisions of the two. He quickly found out that the noise had been made by a person, a person clad in the park ranger uniform, so they probably could guide Connor back to civilization, they looked a bit young to be a park ranger, but what did Connor know?

It started because the guy, who had most definitely broken his arm, started looking around until finally his eyes landed on Connor; and Connor recognized him. He had seen the guy at school, he was probably working at the park for the break, he looked extremely confused as to what Connor was doing there, which, same.

It mainly started because Connor couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“The hell happened to you?”

“I-ah, I fell of a t-tree obviously”

Connor raised an eyebrow at him, because who stuttered while trying to use sass, apparently this guy.

“That’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard”

The guy lets out a breathy chuckle, before giving Connor a look that he doesn’t particularly know how to read.

“I know”

A shadow flashed in his eyes, one that Connor knew to heart, it was gone just as quickly as it had appeared, as the other struggled to put himself back together; but it had been there, and Connor couldn’t let that go.

“What’s your name?”

He had short blond hair, lake blue eyes, and freckled cheeks; he was shorter that Connor by a bit, also wider, though that wasn’t a very high bar to reach, Connor had tall genes and terrible eating habits.

“What?”

“I’m going to make you a deal”

“I… I’m Evan Hansen?”

“Are you asking me?”

“No, sorry, my name is Evan, Evan Hansen, I just… Iwasconfusedbecausewhywouldyouwanttoknow? Sorry, that was rude I-“

“Hansen, I understood nothing of that”

“Sorry”

Connor pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply, if he had an outburst he would lose his only chance at not dying in a forest; Connor wants a little more control over his death.

“Look, here’s the deal, I’ll help you not get more injured than you already are, and you guide us back to society”

Evan gives him a calculating look; frowning like he doesn’t believe Connor, and sure, he isn’t the best person out there, but he’s also obviously lost, Evan seems to reach this conclusion too as he nods.

“Sure”

Connor helps him stand up, and though Evan seems able to walk fine on his own, which, impressive; he also has unfocussed eyes, and Connor is pretty sure he hit his head, so he stays close and catches Evan when he eventually stumbles.

“I think I might be concussed”

“Ok, fuck, just gotta keep talking… tell me what really happened in the tree”

“What?”

He looks scared; Connor can hazard a guess as to why exactly, he rolls his eyes.

“I know it wasn’t an accident, you’re a good liar Hansen, but you have the look of someone who failed”

Evan pulls to the left, Connor follows, even with everything that’s happening Evan still has a better idea of where they are; the situation is a bit ridiculous.

“Takes one to know one”

Connor lets out a low chuckle.

“Damn”

“I… oh god, I didn’t mean-“

“Save it Hansen, I deserved that”

"You'd probably tell me it's bullshit" 

"Try me" 

Evan groans, like he's tired of the question; Connor is pretty sure he's the first one to ask.

"I'm a mess, I just figured everyone would be better off without me"

He lets out a huff, turning to Connor with a pained smile; he's having a breakdown, Connor watches with sympathy. 

"You were right, I couldn't even do suicide right, how sad is that?" 

Connor doesn't say anything, Evan's rambling, just taking advantage of someone who's just there to listen.

“I’m an omega that doesn’t like sex! Like I wasn’t already broken enough”

Connor stops then, because he wasn’t expecting that, because he’s put into words what Connor had been trying to ignore, but Connor is an alpha, he can avoid sex with just a bit of work, Evan on the other hand…

“The central house is just down that hill, I’ll get someone to drive me to the hospital”

In truth, it started because Connor was stubborn.

“I have another deal for you Hansen”

Because he was sober, this would get his family off his back, and he felt like making brash decisions.

“I’ll keep the whole attempt thing a secret, hell; I’ll help you keep your fake story consistent, while I get my family to lay off somewhat by having one person that tolerates my presence”

And because, despite everything that’s happened, Evan Hansen doesn’t shut it down.

“What’s the plan?”


	2. Deals and casts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has a habit of making rash decisions, whether that’s a bad thing or no is undecided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m watching BHNA, mainly bc I love the manga, so if it gets too heroic, stop me. That’s not the nature of this story

A normal person wouldn’t consider this a good idea; not the part of driving someone with a broken arm and possible concussion to the hospital, that’s a nice thing to do; Connor doesn’t know what kind of person he is, but he’s pretty sure he isn’t nice. The part where Connor just… connected, with a complete stranger; a stranger that had far too much in common with Connor, a boy who had it so much worse, and the idea of someone ‘fixing’ Evan sits so wrong with him; he knows how alphas work, how he’s supposed to work, Evan drew the shorter stick, but Connor had found him.

There’s a beat of silence, as they settle inside Connor’s car, neither making any attempt at speaking until the motor is humming; Connor thinks he’s going to begin most of their conversations.

“I’m broken too, not just the usual brain things, I mean, with the whole not liking sex thing”

Evan blinks at him, for the second time that afternoon, his face flickers through a myriad of emotions before settling in acceptance, there’s no benefit in lying about this.

“You can easily avoid it, you’re an alpha”

Then he reels, and Connor wonders how much of what he thinks actually makes it into words.

“Sorry, I just, you uh… you have a very potent scent, so I just-”

“You’re right, I’m an alpha”

He can feel the blue eyes watching him, the mention of scents kicks his nose in gear and he finally catches a whiff of Evan, and realizes why he had barely noticed, Evan smells like the forest.

“I’m also part of a very high-class family, so I’m expected to find a mate”

“I didn’t think you’d care about that sort of thing”

Connor takes the opportunity, while they wait in the exit of the park, to smirk at him.

“Aren’t you an observant one?”

He moves his attention back at the road, finally driving into the open street, heading to the nearest hospital.

“I’m just tired of fighting, I’m not gonna force you to do anything, but I’m not gonna lie and say I wouldn’t benefit from having an omega around”

Evan let out a loud and dry chuckle; Connor felt his hands tightening around the wheel, wary of the words he felt approaching.

“You do realize I’m getting more than I’m giving, right?”

Connor knows, he shrugs as he makes a turn, he’s being entirely selfish with this, taking advantage of their shared situation, it’s only right that the deal would benefit Evan more.

“We’d have to go through it methodically, and set the rules right now”

Evan hums, and Connor doesn’t feel his eyes on him anymore, so he’s probably thinking.

“With rules do you mean just the boundaries, or also how quickly it’ll move?”

“Why, have any problems?”

“It would have to be progressive; my mom wouldn’t buy it otherwise”

“That works, what about the immediate story? Ever lied to your mom?”

He feels the eyes on him again, on the following red light he turns to see why Evan’s staring, and finds him giving him the most ‘are you fucking serious’ look ever; and Connor laughs because Jesus Christ, he’d forgotten how this all started; he hears a second laugh joining him. There are still traces of laughter in their breaths as they continue the trip, and it feels like something broke, like something changed.

“You should stay until she arrives, it’ll be more believable”

Evan’s voice was even, the most steady it had been all day; Connor parked in front of the hospital, looking at him; Evan turns to meet his eyes once again, and Connor can’t shake the feeling that there’s something meaningful to this particular fact.

“Deal”

Connor nods, getting out of the car and walking to the other side to help Evan get out too; he locks it before the two walk inside the building, Evan seems to shrink on himself once they do, and Connor realizes that he’s seen him do this before, in school, like he’s trying to make himself invisible, when they make it to the front desk he handles the talking. He can feel the blue eyes on him, much softer than any other time, and he knows Evan wants to thank him, or apologize, or both; Connor doesn’t need thanks, and there’s no reason for Evan to be sorry.

The next few hours are a process, Connor has to wait while Evan gets an x-ray,  then they move to a different waiting room, there’s only one other person in there, a man that’s probably a senior in college, he ignores Connor completely, eyes falling on Evan. Connor can smell the alpha on him and he's sure Evan can too, but Evan is unaware of the appreciative look the man is giving him, sizing him up like a piece of meat on display, it irks Connor like nothing else, because this is why he can't just be, because he's expected to act like this man.

There's another thing alphas are known for though, one Connor is more open to using, particularly now; the next time he catches the glance he growls, the man looks at him then, and Connor stands to his whole height, shifting closer to Evan, who seems to be catching up quickly because there's a hand on his forearm, placed there gently, not really stopping him, not distracting him from the other alpha in the room, but still there, keeping Connor grounded, it's an experience. The man seems to lose interest, that or he genuinely believes Connor could overpower him, and takes a more submissive position, a nurse calls Evan's name; Connor keeps his eyes on the man as he walks with Evan, following the nurse.

"Thanks"

He looks shaken but otherwise ok, Connor shrugs, glad he didn't overstep anything. They still have to talk about what is ok and what isn’t. The medic that plasters Evan’s arm is thankfully a beta, and claims to know Evan’s mother, she’s a nurse apparently, which brings him to question just how good of a liar Evan really is.


	3. Down to a fine art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Connor and Evan have gotten used to wearing masks built by others, at least they made this one themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, it’s probably a terrible idea, but trust me

While the wait for Heidi Hansen, they exchange contact information to make things easier, and begin to work on what’s ok if they end up in a similar situation to the one in the waiting room  
"Hand holding?"  
"I get sweaty hands, so that's a no go"  
"And I don't really like the idea of you walking like you're my arm candy"  
Evan gives him an amused smile, Connor needs to learn to stop himself from saying stuff like that.  
"You could do the hand around my shoulder thing?"  
Connor ponders it for a beat before nodding, it sounds like the best idea; but then he gets a better one.  
“We can start with that, but we might have to go a bit further if we really want to sell it, I could put my arm around your waist once we decide to start acting like we’re courting”  
Is Evan’s turn to ponder, a light flush covering his cheeks, Connor can’t really blame him for that; then finally, he nods in agreement.  
“That settles that, I think we’ll have to work through any other contact”  
“You can set the pace Hansen”  
“Evan”  
Connor gives him an intrigued look.  
“You should probably start calling me by my name at some point”  
“Later, I wouldn’t switch so quickly on a normal situation”  
“Ok, that makes sense”  
Connor slumps in his chair, though his attention remains in the omega.  
“So, tell me about yourself”  
Evan shifts in place, the question seems to bring him out of his calm state; he fumbles with his words.  
“Never mind, you don’t have to tell me now”  
“N-no, it- it’s ok, I just… I’m justreallyanxiousandithasnothingtodowithyouso”  
Connor blinks at him.  
“I’m sorry”  
“Don’t, I understood nothing; give me some key words Hansen”  
“Eh… anxious and not your fault, I guess?”  
It made sense, actually, and Connor should’ve seen the signs, in the way Evan held himself.  
“I have anger management issues, mostly self-diagnosed”  
“Well, you would know your head better than anyone”  
“Damn Hansen, are you always this sassy or am I just lucky?”  
“I just… how much can I mess up after everything I told you?”  
Connor shrugs, because fair enough; Evan fiddles with the hem of his uniform shirt; Connor makes a motion towards it.  
“Do you like, work at the park?”  
He swears Evan’s face lights up at that, Connor doesn’t have the best track with passionate people; then again he doesn’t have the best track with people period.  
“I’m an apprentice park ranger for the summer, not to brag but I’m kind of a tree expert”  
Connor can feel his lips tugging into a small smile, and he doesn’t stop to think on the why.  
“You’re not very good at measuring their heights”  
He feels the blue eyes on him once again, Evan really needs to stop looking at Connor like that, and turns towards the omega with his best deadpan look; it works like charm because suddenly Evan is laughing. As Evan tries to get himself in control again, Connor looks away and sees a woman staring at them, her eyes soften at Evan, who is still suppressing giggles, and as she approaches them Connor realizes who she is.  
Heidi Hansen is by all accounts a beta; she’s tall-ish, with good weight to her, and a confusingly warm presence. Her hair is lighter than Evan’s, but they share the same lake-blue eyes and, when she finally notices Connor, the same nervous smile. Connor’s staring makes Evan turn to what he’s looking, and he can feel the other standing up from the chair.  
“Mom”  
Heidi’s eyes fall on Evan’s arm and she gives him an extremely worried look, Connor stands up awkwardly, watching this unfold.  
“What happened?”  
“I was… I climbed a tree and a branch broke and I should’ve been more careful but I fell and broke my arm and also gave myself a concussion”  
Connor feels his head reeling just from trying to keep up with the words, but Heidi’s smile is nothing but understanding.  
“Oh Evan, honey, you have to be more careful”  
“I’m sorry”  
“How did you get to the hospital?”  
“Oh, um…”  
He shifted a bit so he could look at Connor, who had to remind himself to stand properly, because that’s how alphas held themselves around others.  
“This is Connor, he drove me; he found me after I fell”  
Connor wasn’t used to adults smiling at him, much less like that.  
“Thank you, I don’t want to think what would’ve happened if you hadn’t”  
If it had been Connor, he would’ve probably tried again, going a little higher, over and over until he was either too broken to keep climbing, or got what he wanted; but Evan wasn’t him.  
“There’s no need to thank me”  
Connor knew how to act around adults, he just generally didn’t care what adults thought about him, but he needed a good first impression on Heidi if the plan was going to work. He turned to Evan then, as if checking with him  
“I’ll see you at school then”  
Evan seemed to understand what he was going for and nodded, Connor turned to Heidi again  
“Nice to meet you Ms. Hansen”


	4. I barely know you, yet you’re a blessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is saved from being grounded by Evan Hansen, just, indirectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine me on the other side of the screen, grinning manically

When Connor arrives to his house his mother is the only one there, she tells him his father went out to some work related thing, and Zoe had gone out with her friends, so he was mostly safe for now; then Cynthia reaches a hand out and asks for his phone, he lets out an exaggerated sigh as he hands it over, only for it to ring as soon as it makes contact with her palm.

There’s a pause, as both look to each other in surprise, with the phone still ringing, then Cynthia answers it.

“No, he can’t answer right now”

A beat, the number hadn’t had a name.

“Yes, I’m his mother”

Another beat, longer this time, the person on the other end must be introducing themselves, Connor’s pretty sure they called from a house phone.

“He did?”

Cynthia’s features soften, and slowly a smile starts forming in her lips, immediately Connor pieces together what’s happening. Evan must have talked him up to Heidi, who was now calling Connor to properly thank him, adults tended to thank other adults when children or teens did good things, it was a very weird system.  

“Of course, I understand, thank you for calling”

She hung up, her smile turning secretive, still holding Connor’s phone.

“So, Evan Hansen”

“I went to the state park, found him after he had an accident”

“And you drove him to the hospital”

Connor paused, licking his lips, this was an important part.

“I just… he looked like he needed the help, I couldn’t leave him there”

It was a pretty convincing lie, actually, and just a twisted version of the truth, so it would most likely work.

“What did you think about him?”

Connor almost chocked on his own spit, though he was sure Cynthia would read it as him being flustered; still, he had to think fast on how he would respond.

“He’s nice, easy to talk to”

It wasn’t a lie, Connor really thought Evan was someone nice, and he laughed at Connor’s odd sense of humor, and countered with some of his own.

Cynthia smiled again, something shining on her eyes, and then she gave Connor’s cellphone back.

“Just this once, and because Heidi said you should text him”

Connor could feel the grin on his face, it was barely the beginning and already the plan was working; thank the world for Evan Hansen. He rushed upstairs, locking his bedroom door behind him, and flopped into his bed, hearing his phone ring with a new text

><><><><><><><><><>< 

_I’m sorry about my mom calling_

It saved me from getting grounded

So no complains

_That’s good_

_Quick question_

Shoot

_Am I going to see you on the first day?_

><><><><><><><><><>< 

Connor stared at the text; it was a really good fucking question. On the one hand, if he could help it, he’d rather not have to go to school period; on the other hand, going to school meant yet another thing to take out of the list of ‘reasons to yell at Connor’.

><><><><><><><><><>< 

Probably

It’d certainly help with the whole 

Getting my family of my back thing

_Ok_

_So there’s someone else we might have to convince_

_That’s if he cares for more than two seconds_

Family of yours?

_More like family friend_

_As he likes to remind me_

Sounds like an asshole

What’s his name?

_Jared_

_Jared Kleinman_

Jesus Hansen

You’re tangled with the king of assholes

_Ah_

_So you’ve met him_

You deal with him constantly?

_To put it simply_

_Neither of us has any friends_

_But he’s better at socializing_

I call bullshit

He just gets into everyone’s shit

_He can actually talk to people though_

Fuck

Touché

><><><><><><><><><>< 

Damn, ‘easy to talk to’ had not been an understatement, dare he say he’d enjoyed the exchange, particularly how Evan had been so unapologetic through the entirety of it; Connor likes this side of the omega somewhat, maybe once Evan got more used to Connor it would come out in real life… that wasn’t a bad goal.


	5. But I won’t hide a thing from you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have become, in essence, partners in crime; however shortly they’ve known each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll admit I have complicated feelings towards Jared Kleinman, as he reminds me of a toxic relationship I had way back, I struggled to make him likeable in Color me, but I will write my version of him in this story. Thanks for understanding

In the few days they had left they were able to set up some guidelines for how to act in school, because Connor was an alpha he would walk Evan to class, that way people would think he’s interested and word would reach Zoe, and if word reached Zoe it would reach Larry, and Connor knew for sure that Larry would never believe it if it came from Connor, but if it came from his perfect little daughter? Well, that was a different story.

By the time the first day rolled around he didn’t fight his mom on going, though he probably looked like he could give a long winded list of all the things he’d rather do. He kept this up even after he and his sister had made it inside the building, but then he saw Evan in the hall, fiddling with his lock, and his demeanor changed, Evan must have felt the eyes on him because he instantly looked up and at Connor, he made his way to the omega in a few strides, Evan gave him a small smile.

“Hi Connor”

There’s only a faint trace from the Evan that Connor talked to before, drained by the atmosphere, Connor leans on a nearby locker.

“Forgot your combination Hansen?”

Evan bites his lips, glancing away, cheeks flushing pink; Connor rolls his eyes.

“Here, let me at it”

It’s not the first lock Connor has picked, just the first that he’s careful not to break, once it’s unlocked he steps away to let Evan open it. The omega puts most of his stuff in, only keeping the necessary; there aren’t any books considering it’s the first day; then he gives Connor a thankful smile.

“Well, isn’t this a sight for the sore eyes?”

Connor sees Evan shrink even more into himself, in perfect synchrony to Connor tensing up; it’d be funny in any other situation. Jared ignores Connor as he walks closer, eyes solely on Evan, who shifted closer to Connor.

Connor only caught bits and pieces of what Jared said; he teased Evan about the broken arm, which Evan tried to explain, and then Jared teased him about falling off a tree, and Connor growled without meaning to

“Oh, Murphy, didn’t recognize you, going for the school shooter aesthetic this year?”

The way Evan spoke about him, Jared barely even paid any attention to the omega, but the Kleinman in front of him was obviously acting as though Connor was challenging him. Connor knew his game, and it pissed him off like nothing else, Kleinman, as it turned out, was the kind of alpha Connor despised the most, the kind that was mean because that was obviously how alphas showed they liked a certain omega, bullshit.

“At least I don’t look like a 5 years old's painting”

In the corner of his eye he saw Evan bite his lip to suppress a giggle, he wasn’t the only one who saw.

“Oh, when he does it it’s suddenly funny, but when I do it it’s so rude”

Evan visibly flinched, and Connor smelled dread coming from him, from Evan Hansen who just a few days prior had been sassing him like it was nothing, what had Kleinman do to warrant such a response, try to… oh, oh fuck no!

Connor slung an arm around Evan’s shoulders, causing the omega to look at him in surprise and a bit of confusion; gave Kleinman one of his so called death-glares, and pulled Evan away without a word; the omega made no effort to stop him.

Once they were well away from prying eyes and ears, he releases Evan then.

“Ok, spill”

“What?”

“I know what I smelled back there, what did Kleinman do to you?”

“Y-you noticed that?”

Connor wants to make a snide comment but Evan looks genuinely surprised, like he was used to being unnoticed.

“Look, just… can you answer?”

Evan takes a deep breath and nods.

“When I was about seven years old my dad left me and my mom to run off with some cocktail waitress”

Connor raised an eyebrow; Evan made a motion to signify that he was getting to it.

“My parents weren’t mated, since mom’s a beta, but people used to think that was why I didn’t want a mate”

Evan starts fiddling with his hands.

“They would tell me I’d grow to like the idea, that I just needed an alpha I could trust, Jared and I were very close back then”

“You believed them”

Connor’s tone is even, he doesn’t blame him for it. Evan nods; eyes still downcast.

“For a while I did, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t like Jared like that, he didn’t get it”

Then he raised his head, finally looking at Connor, something bitter in his entire being

“Alphas can be very scary when they don’t get what they want, he didn’t do anything sexual to me, but well, I didn’t come out unscratched either”

Connor felt his hands closing into fists, irritation and anger, because it was utter bullshit that Evan still had to be around Kleinman after something like that.

“Nowadays he just hangs around me so his parents pay his insurance, or at least that’s what he always tells me, though honestly he’s one of the main reasons I agreed to your deal”

Connor nodded, it made sense; Connor offered Evan a way out, a way to avoid Jared without much repercussion, just like Evan has represented a way out for Connor. It felt slightly… better, to know that they were both using the other; that way things should go smoothly, or rather, they would have an easier time not fucking up.


	6. You bring me out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both need someone to count on; Connor decided it might as well be each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based their English teacher in a real teacher I had for the equivalent of the subject in Argentina; he name was different, but she was one of, if not my favorite teacher

When Connor is walking over to pick Evan up from his second class of the day, he’s joined by a girl with a flower-y scent, it’s too sweet for him, and it reminds him of Zoe even though his sister smells nothing like that, he doesn’t know what to make of this

“Hi Connor, I’m Alana Beck, we used to have science together, I saw you this morning with Evan, he’s a close acquaintance of mine, it’s nice to see you two getting along”

“I-“

“Oh, there he is, hi Evan!”

Connor turns, and sure enough there’s Evan, looking awkward as fuck, he gives the girl a wobbly smile

“H-hi Alana”

“How was your summer?”

“Uh…”

“Mine was very productive, I did a lot of voluntary work-“

She keeps going but Connor tunes her out expertly, Evan seems rooted in spot, nodding along to what she says, at one point though he glances at Connor with a look that just begs for help

“Hey Beck, sorry to cut you short, but Hansen and I have to walk a bit to out next class”

“Oh, of course, I’m arriving late for class myself; it was nice talking to you”

Connor moves past her and pushes a stunned looking Evan with him, the omega simply blinks at him in disbelief.

“Were… were you just nice?”

And Connor’s back to the park, to holding Evan so he wouldn’t collapse due to the concussion, and he grins.

“Are you sassing me?”

Evan gives him a sheepish look, cheeks flushed.

“M-maybe”

Connor huffs a laugh, short and breathy, he likes this side of Evan a little; it’s like a breath of fresh air.

“Come on Hansen, I wasn’t lying about class”

“Oh, what do you have?”

“AP English, also known as the only class I care about”

“Oh, I… I actually have that too”

“Huh”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor drops down in the chair besides Evan’s selected spot, they’re not in the back, but they aren’t in the front either, no one fights Connor for the spot, some people send worried glances Evan’s way, fuck them, but Evan is too busy setting up to notice any of them.

Connor keeps his attention on the omega, saving his energy, because he knows what’ll happen when they head back to hallways. There’s a thing about alphas, they tend to notice omegas a lot more when there’s another alpha already interested in them; and Connor normally had the attention of the school resident douchebags, which meant that the same douchebags were now paying attention to Evan, the same kind of attention Kleinman and the guy from the clinic gave the omega; the kind that made Connor’s blood boil.

Luckily, for everyone involved, the teacher came through, sat down her things as the bell rung, and began the class by introducing herself. She was a tall, lanky woman with short blonde hair, which was cut just a bit longer down than her ears, she had tired dark greyish-green eyes, and her face was framed with expression lines; she held herself with potency, but her smile was warm as she spoke

“Hello class, my name is Eloise Rumley-“

Then, with an exaggerated reverence she continued.

“’Tis a pleasure to meet thee”

Connor already liked her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After English, Connor walked Evan out of class feeling just slightly lighter, they shared the free period too, which made sense, and Evan had asked Connor to go to the library with him, stumbling over himself a bit, Connor hoped the omega would feel better once they were away from all these people.

It was perhaps a bit rushed, then again that could be said about basically every action that had leaded them here, but Connor wanted to, at the very least, befriend Evan. So once they were safe behind the library doors, if that fact held any meaning it eluded Connor, he decided to ask, opting for a direct approach.

“We should be friends”

Evan blinks at him, which, understandable; then he tilts his head in confusion.

“Not that I w-wouldn’t li-like that, but… why?”

Connor gives him a noncommittal shrug.

“We won’t be able to pull this off unless we actually know each other”

Evan nods at this, but Connor presses.

“’Sides, you’re intriguing”

Evan opens and closes his mouth a few times, which is amusing; Connor’s not going to lie.

“I… I r-really don’t, don’t thi-think I am”

He’s flustered, if the worsening stutter in anything to go by; Connor knows that tone.

“Come on, you said it yourself remember? I’ve already seen the worst of you”

This seems to do the trick, because Evan sags a little, relaxing from his previously tense posture, and he gives Connor a tired but hopeful smile; Connor also knows this look.

“Yeah… I did, I did say that, you’re right”

Connor relaxes too, at the way Evan’s voice starts evening out again, it makes him realize that this is the real Evan, the one that’s usually hidden in fear that it’d push people away, and because he saw this side first, Connor can see the attitude Evan uses around others for the mask that it is.

“So, Hansen, tell me about yourself”


	7. I don’t mind lying, much less for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, Connor knows Evan better out of the two, who would’ve thought?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’d think I’d be more worried about whether or not I’m doing this properly, but I’m not

Evan picks a table on the library and drops down into one of the chairs; Connor lays into the table, almost sitting on it but not quite, and looks at him patiently.

“Well, I’m Jewish, though my mom and I aren’t all that religious”

“How does that work?”

“We follow most of the rules, but we don’t really practice it”

“Cool”

“What about you?”

“I think my family might be catholic”

“I take it you’re not very religious either”

“Not at all”

Evan nods, like he was expecting that, Connor tries something else.

“Is your favorite color blue or…?”

“What?”

“Answer the question Hansen”

“Uhm… no? My favorite color is brown, sorry”

“Then why do you wear so much blue?”

Evan shrugs, looking flustered, then he takes a breath, Connor realizes that he’s trying not to slip back into his mask, he recognizes the signs.

“You seem like the type to have a very specific shade as your favorite color”

Connor hums, because fair; turns out Evan is really observant. Who would’ve thought?

“I like indigo, because I’m an annoying ass”

Connor makes sure to say this in the same dead-pan tone he used back in the hospital, it must work because Evan snorts at him, nose crinkling.

“I used to be a big fan of superheroes when I was little”

“Same”

Evan blinks at him, Connor grins.

“I also loved jokes”

Evan puts his hands up in mock surrender.

“I believe you”

Connor rolls his eyes but he’s still smiling as he steps away from the table and slumped in the closest chair, flipping it so he could tap his fingers on the back.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Evan stared at him in complete disbelief, smile threatening to form on his lips, Connor arched an eyebrow; Evan sighed.

“Why?”

“No one knows, but the road sure got mad”

Evan’s hand flew to his mouth, Connor watched in amusement as the omega tried really hard not to laugh, muttering to himself. Once he finally managed to get it under control, he turned to Connor.

“You’re ridiculous”

His voice was still laced in laughter, and he looked at Connor like he couldn’t quite believe the alpha was real. Connor rests his head on his hand, not sure on what to make of the exchange, but he thinks it’s an odd compliment.

“Whatever you say Hansen”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The motions repeat for the rest of the day, Connor walking Evan everywhere, then sitting with him during lunch, Alana sits with them, as does Jared who keeps glaring at Connor, who in turn glares back, Evan shifts closer to him, even Alana looks uncomfortable, and decides Connor is the safer of the two, most likely prompted by Evan’s reaction.

Jared promptly stands up, obviously pissed off.

“Hey Murphy, can we talk?”

Kleinman actually growls the words, which causes the two omegas, or at least Connor thinks Alana is an omega, to stiffen in response. Connor looks at Evan first, the omega seems to be trying to make himself smaller, like that way he’ll disappear; then he looks at Alana, who glances from him to Evan and then back to him before nodding, Connor figures she probably knows how to deal with whatever Evan’s going through better than Connor, so he stands up and follows Jared out of the cafeteria.  
Connor follows a fuming Kleinman into the hall, and watches with disinterest as the other alpha whirls around and faces him with a snarl.

“The hell you’re playing at Murphy?”

“You’re a big boy Kleinman; I think you know the answer to that”

“You can’t step in courting, everyone knows that”   
Connor can’t believe this guy, god, no wonder Evan was so desperate to get the fuck away from him.

“He approached me first”

Kleinman stumbles back, Connor takes a little pride on this, he’s delivered a very low blow, but he doesn’t give a shit.

“Now if you excuse me, I have someone waiting for me”


	8. Hold me so I don’t fall apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people are just the kind you need in your life, Connor thinks Evan might be that for him, and he wants to be that for Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing a Connor centric fic is an experience, I highly recommend it  
> You might argue that I’m moving too fast, but I never said this would be slow burn, and I have reason to believe that both of them would be touch starved

When Connor gets back to the table he catches part of Evan rambling to a surprised Alana, who probably isn’t used to Evan speaking so much, much less when he does it while barely stopping to breathe, she seems lost for what to do before her eyes find Connor.

“Connor, hi”

Evan stops dead on his tracks, eyes zeroing on him, Connor approaches slowly, makes sure Evan is aware of every movement, he sit down next to him and tentatively places a hand on his shoulder, Evan is turning blue.

“I need you to breathe with me, ok?”

His voice is soft, softer than he knew he could sound, Evan nods weakly, and Connor begins the process of counting his breaths so Evan can follow them. It takes a bit for Evan to get on a normal breathing rate, and when he does he all but slumps on Connor, who rearranges them into a more comfortable position, instinctually rubbing circles on Evan’s back, which seems to help.

“Hansen, can you talk?”

“Y-yes”

“What happened?”

“I just… IwasworriedbecauseIknewJaredwouldgetmadandIthoughtyou’dgetinafightandIdon’twantyoutobehurt”

Connor sighs, ignoring the tightness on his throat.

“Ok, let’s try that again, give me the key words”

He feels Evan nodding against him, it’s odd.

“Uh… worried, Jared, you, fight”

Connor huffs because he isn’t that far off, but also because he doesn’t know what to do with the information that Evan had been worried about him.

“We just said a few choice words at each other, no one got hurt”

There’s a beat of silence, Alana has shifted so she isn’t looking at them, but the last thing Evan needs is for anyone to make a scene of this, so Connor bites his tongue.

“Why did the cow cross the road?”

Evan pulled away to give Connor an incredulous look, while Connor pretended like he wasn’t disappointed at the loss of contact.

“Why?”   
Connor smiled slightly, amusement was key in joke telling.

“To get to the udder side”

Evan slumped on the table, groaning loudly, catching Alana’s attention.

“Oh my god”

Connor may or may not be proud of the completely done tone that comes out in.

“That was terrible”

“Oh I think you found it very puny”

“I hate that I find this amusing”

Connor’s smiling as he coaxes Evan back into a normal sitting position; Evan is trying really hard to frown at him, but failing adorably.

“Come on, you have to eat”

Evan huffs loudly, Connor’s glad to see him acting a little more like himself.

“Fine”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Nothing all that big happens after lunch, thankfully, because Connor finds his patience thinning as the day goes on, he nearly snaps during his last period, but the bell gave him the escape he needed; Connor was really close to regretting going to Evan in this state, but the moment the omega sees him that stops being a thing. Evan frowns at first, confusion and worry evident in his eyes, then he does a solid nod to himself and approaches Connor, his expression is concerned but also understanding.

“Let’s get out of here”

Evan reaches for him, carefully and methodically, and Connor can tell right then and there that he’s not new to dealing with angry alphas, but he isn’t afraid of Connor, not if he’s willing to have this much contact with him; or at least, Connor hopes he isn’t.

The moment they step out in the streets Connor feels as though he can breathe again, though what catches most of his attention is the scent coming from Evan; he immediately knows what Evan’s doing, omegas evolved to have a way of calming down their alphas if need be, but it was a double edged sword, Hansen was really lucky he smelled like something that normally calmed Connor, otherwise it could’ve gotten him even more riled up and Evan would’ve ended up hurt

He doesn’t notice when it happens, but he’s now with his face pressed into Evan’s shoulder, while the omega rubs circles on his back.

“A-are you ok?”

“You smell like a nature walk”

“I-I do?”   
“Hmm, it’s really fucking soothing”

“O-oh”

There’s a beat of silence, in which neither of them really know what to do with themselves.

“Well um… well, y-you smell- smell like a library, and freshly made coffee”

As Evan concentrates on describing this, his voice seems to even, Connor’s heard of a known alpha’s scent helping omegas feel safer. It’s a bit wild that they both would find each other’s scent to be similarly comforting; particularly with how little they know each other.

“Want to hang out? There’s a place I want to show you”

“I would have to tell my mom”

Connor reluctantly pulls away so he can look at Evan properly, Evan is looking him in the eyes again, but this time it comes as a bit of a relief; he’s not afraid of Connor.

“Just message her?”

He sounds pleading, he knows this, but he really wants to do this right. Evan gives him a small smile that lights something warm inside Connor.   
“Ok”


	9. Somewhere only we know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor takes Evan to the only place he’s ever felt safe at, and doesn’t stop to think on the implications.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not be running out of things to say in the summaries

Connor lets one of his music mixes play as background music as he drives, Evan finishes exchanging texts with his mom and sighs, looking through the window as the city seems to move around them.

“Do you want some ice cream?”

“Huh?”

“I just remembered there’s an ice cream parlor on the way, you don’t have to get out of the car or anything”

Evan gives him a smile at this, it’s a bit odd; as if he isn’t used to others doing nice things for him.

“Ice cream sounds good”

“Cool”

He drives them to A la mode, asks Evan for what he wants, and then tells him to wait for him. Once he has both ice creams he’s driving again.

This is an important thing for Connor, the place where he’s driving them to, the orchard, it’s the only place Connor’s ever felt safe at. He hadn’t mentioned it to Evan, but his scent actually reminded him of this place, and he wonders momentarily if the omega will notice the similarity.

The moment they arrive Evan fucking lights up, practically jumping from the vehicle in excitement once they’re parked, Connor follows, a smile tugging at his lips.

“What’s this place?”   
“An old apple orchard”

“Is… are you trying to make me trespass?”

“Oh my fucking god”

Connor was laughing, he didn’t know what about the situation was funny, but he was. He saw Evan looking like a deer in the headlights as he tried to regain his breath.

“Don’t worry Hansen, nobody comes here, it’s my secret spot”

Something in Evan’s expression changes; and Connor doesn’t know what to do with it.

“Oh”

“Sides, you can only really trespass private property, this place doesn’t have an owner anymore”

“When you put it like that”

“I promise you will love it inside”

Evan sighs, bites his lip, looks back at the trees towering behind the fence, and then he looks back to Connor.

“Ok, but I can’t really climb”

He raises his cast at this, the paste is a striking white, Connor glances at it as he finds the place where the fence is broken.

“Would you let me paint your cast?”

He can feel Evan’s eyes on him; he steps through the hole and holds it down for the omega, who’s still eying him in confusion

“I uh… you-you paint? I mean, sure, I’d l-like that”

“Cool, come on, there’s a clearing this way”

 -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor watches quietly as Evan looks around the clearing, the omega is positively glowing, and he has this tiny soft smile on his lips, before he turns to Connor beaming.

“This is beautiful”

Connor smiles lazily at him, before dropping at the roots of one of the biggest surviving trees; Evan joins him much more carefully, sighing as he leans on the trunk.

“So, what’s your favorite tree?”

There’s a loud gasp that sounds almost hurt.

“I have to pick?”

Connor blinks once, then twice, then thrice.

“Did you… did you just make a joke?”

“I uh… I tried to?”

He looks so flustered, Connor snorts.

“Oh my god”

“If I answer will you answer a question too?”

The last bit is rushed, said in a single breath, and if Connor hadn’t been paying attention he would’ve missed it.   
“Sure Hansen”

"No, but really, I don't have any favorite trees, I mean, I love all trees, they're great, and they help so much, and they actually have rivalries with other trees, like they will fight over sunlight and nutrients, isn't that cool?"

Connor looks at him fondly, because it’s obvious that Evan had thought about this, and Connor had kind of been counting on that when he asked, but seeing him speaking so freely about something is an experience.

“That’s pretty cool”

Evan lets out a relieved sigh; the he gets this look on his face that verges closely to the way he had looked at Connor when he offered this arrangement.

“Why an abandoned orchard?”

Connor takes a deep breath, eyes moving towards the open sky, that’s a loaded question, and he doesn’t know what it would mean to share this with Evan, whom he barely knows, but has already broken so many walls without trying. He decides to tell the truth.


	10. No one else needs to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have been a lot easier for Connor since he’s met Evan Hansen; that doesn’t mean he’s fixed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing on a single character's POV is really fucking hard guys, you don’t understand. Like for example, in this one I wanted to do a Cynthia POV, because that would’ve given you such a good view of just how society thinks in Omegaverse, but alas  
> This chapter kicked me in the butt, it drained me, and thus why you had to wait so long for chapter 8

Evan is quiet as Connor speaks; eyes soft but never leaving him, and Connor isn’t sure how he feels about this, so he just keeps going. He tells Evan about the picnics he used to have with his family, he tells him that him and Zoe were close, he tells him about the plane his dad crashed and how mad it had made Connor; and his voice takes a bittersweet tone as he does because even anger was better back then.

Then he tells Evan that things got worse, and that the orchard was closed down when Connor tried escaping to it; tells him how he climbed the fence and ruined his shirt, about how only once he was well inside the place did he actually feel like breathing was possible. He doesn’t tell him how he cried that first time, or every other time since, but he doesn’t need to, some part of him is aware that Evan knows, and is okay with the notion, but not with saying it aloud.

He closes his eyes as he speaks, so they won’t get teary, so he won’t start crying now, over things that he can’t change. When he opens them he finds Evan giving him a decided look, and he irradiates comfort, and it’s the first time anyone’s looked at Connor like that.

“Can I touch you?”

Connor nods because he needs to make sure this is real, that it’s actually happening, Evan grabs his hands and starts rubbing circular motions on the back of it. Connor tugs the omega closer and presses his forehead on Evan’s shoulder, humming under his throat; Evan starts rubbing circles against his back.

They stay like that for a while, until Connor feels real enough to speak, not pulling away just yet, his voice soft and quiet as he does, Evan answers in the same way, and he learns a lot. He learns about Heidi Hansen, and how she’s hardly ever around, and how deeply it affects Evan, he learns about how the omega fears opening the door and having to strike up conversation more than he does opening the door and finding out they’re an alpha, though that one does concern him too, he learns that Evan only flinches to loud noises instinctively and not so much because of actual fear, and that he’s become a master at avoiding Jared when he nears his rut.

“He legit told me he was courting you”

Evan blanches at that, like the mere prospect of such a thing deeply disturbed him, or maybe Connor was projecting, that was always an option.

“Is uh… the plan? Is this working?”

“He told me so I would back off; he isn’t actually doing that, right?”

Evan shakes his head no, but curls on himself, Connor wants to take it back, or to at least comfort Evan somehow, but he doesn’t know how Evan will react.

“He never asked me, so it never crossed my mind, but if he is he’s terrible at it, and obviously doesn’t know how to court me”

His tone is bitter, and then Connor pull him so his forehead is on the alpha’s shoulder, careful not to hurt him, and making sure Evan knows what’s going on. Then Connor starts a different topic, and he swears he hears a happy trill from Evan as they resume their ‘getting to know you’ conversation, and Connor shares his life with the omega.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The ride to Connor’s house is filled with music, because apparently they have a lot in common when it comes to music taste, the ride is also filled with singing, Connor has no idea how he managed to coax Evan Hansen into singing, but it’s probably the best thing that could’ve happened, because Evan is ridiculously good, even when his voice is laugh laced, especially when his voice is like that.

Evan gaped when Connor’s house came in view, it was the first time he had to stop an remind himself that others didn’t necessarily share his life style, it was also the first time he had a friend over, so Connor figured that made sense. The house is quiet, which is odd because Connor’s pretty sure his mom should be here, not that he minds, he instructs Evan to wait in the dining room as he gathers the art supplies.

Once he’s got everything downstairs, and filled a glass with water, he moves two of the chairs so they’re facing each other, and motions for Evan to take a seat; this is the best illuminated room in the house, and also the easiest to clean of evidence. He offers a hand, palm up, to Evan so he doesn’t hurt the omega, Evan blinks at it for a bit, eyebrows knitted together in confusion, before he smiles tentatively at Connor and places the cast on the hand carefully.

Painting is a soothing process; Connor knows exactly what he wants to do, and allows himself to concentrate on that; a quiet calm settles on both of them, the silence feels comfortable, no words needed, there’s no awkwardness between them, but Connor can only fixate on his work. He doesn’t hear the keys in the door, nor the footsteps in the living, and he doesn’t notice the new figure standing in the doorway, but Evan does.

Connor smells distress coming from Evan, he looks up at him, hand stopping in place, but Evan was staring at something else. When Connor followed his line of sight he found his mom staring at them.

"Hi mom, this is Evan Hansen"

It takes a minute for her to make sense of what's happening.

"Oh"

"H-hi Mrs. Murphy"

She gets this exited smile, Connor rolls his eyes and resumes what he’d been doing.

“Please call me Cynthia”

Evan is still tense, Connor hums softly, getting his attention, making eye contact with the omega for a moment, it works somewhat. Connor wonders momentarily how they look to his mother, who’s still standing there, until Connor glares at her and she quickly moves to the kitchen, probably to put away what she bought.

By the time he’s finished with the cast there’s another key sound, and then there’s Zoe’s voice, and then there’s his mom’s voice, he made the cast look like a tree trunk, with his name on it looking like a carving, big and bold lettered, Evan is looking at it awestruck.

“You’re really good at this”

Connor shrugs, and pulls both of them to their feet.

“Come on Hansen, let’s get you home”

His mom chooses this moment to peek out of the kitchen.

“Going already?”

“It’s late”

“Doesn’t Evan want to stay?”

Connor wants to snap at her, because why is she asking him, the decision is Evan’s to make, not Connor’s. But the omega speaks before he can, and that’s kind of amazing.

“That’s uhm… that’s ok Mrs. Murphy, I- ah, thank you, maybe next time”

“There you go, now I’m gonna drive him to his house”

“G-good bye Mrs. Murphy”

“Come by anytime you want”

Connor pulls Evan out of the house, making sure not to hold too tight, it isn’t the omega’s fault that he’s angry. Once he’s in the car he takes a moment to breathe deeply, Evan pipes up then.

“Where you really going to tell your mom off because she treated me like an omega?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Hansen”

“Yes you do”

Instead of giving an answer, he turns the gear and starts the car, busying himself with driving out of his drive way.

“Thanks”   
“What for?”

Evan smiles at him with an arched eyebrow, like he finds Connor’s denial amusing, Connor turns to him for a second, giving him a secretive look, before turning back to the road.

“So, where to?”


	11. Slowly but surely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is no stranger to anger, however justified it might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote myself into a corner, so have a time skip because I can’t do POV changes  
> As someone who curses a lot in both his languages, I find writing for someone like Connor very liberating, tbch  
> Yes, I write two chapters ahead of what I actually post, sue me, actually, please don’t, I’m extremely poor in USA standards

Four weeks came and went, or to be more specific, four weeks, four days, and four hours, not that Connor was counting.

In that time he played the part of interested alpha while in school, and got to know Evan better as a friend.

In that time, he shared with Evan what he hadn’t with anyone else, and Evan shared with him as well, they both had troubled relationships with their families, but for very different reasons, they both felt utterly alone to the point where they honestly believed no one would miss them if they were gone, but not in the same way, they both defied everything that told them they should want sex, they both had tried to end it all, and here they were. It was easy, to become attached, to be protective, with each passing day it was less of an act, and more just Connor caring about what happened to Evan.

It was odd, caring about someone, at times heartwarming, at times terrifying, but mostly odd. Connor guessed it had something to do with the fact that he never really had a friend before, and Evan got him, and he liked to think he got Evan. He noticed a pattern, Evan would start the day stuttering and speaking under his breath, or rambling, and if the day was kind on him, he’d eventually relax when around Connor, but sometimes he couldn’t do that at all; so Connor did his research and learned how to help.

Also in that time, his interactions with his family have changed, he sees Zoe in the halls more frequently, which caused a few bumps since both Evan and him try shifting closer at the same fucking time; his mom now asks him about Evan, and when he’s going to invite the omega over again; and then there’s Larry, who miraculously didn’t say anything to start a fight when he found out Connor had brought someone home; and that was extremely odd.

And that seemed to be just the right amount of time for a rumor to start. Now, here was were Connor started second guessing himself, fourteen weeks into a fake relationship with Evan, because he had come to actually give a fuck about the omega, and he knows the negative attention is the furthest thing from what Evan needs; but on the other hand this is the quickest way to assure that both of them would be left alone at school, which was definitely a good thing.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“People are starting to talk”

Connor is just as brash about this as he’s been about everything else in this relationship, because they do have an actual relationship, regardless of what they’re pretending.

“That’s what we want, right?”   
It’s the weekend, and they’re in Evan’s house, Connor’s been spending a lot of time here, partly because his house feels stuffy, mostly so Evan isn’t alone. The fact that they are alone does bring back the Evan he first met, so Connor thinks he’s slightly justified, but also he kind of enjoys this.

“Well sure, but I’m not the most liked person in school”

Evan does a silent ‘ah’ while nodding; Connor is amused and annoyed in spades. But then, something tight takes over Connor’s throat, and he feels like he’ll implode if he doesn’t let out some sound; metaphors still aren’t his strong suit.

“People will notice you a lot more now though, and not for good reasons”

Connor isn’t sure what he expects to get from saying this, maybe he’s warning Evan, giving him reason to back out, maybe it has more to do with Connor himself than their peers. But Evan, wonderfully surprising as he’s turned to be, simply smiles sheepishly.

“I uh… kind of knew that when I agreed”

There’s no actual hesitation, just a hard time finding the right words, and Connor feels something indescribable size him, but he nods.

“Ok”

His voice shakes, it’s not angry, not sad, it’s bittersweet, and terrifying, and wonderful; and he doesn’t know what to make of it. Does he even want to know?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

On Wednesday the inevitable happens, Connor only sees part of it, a group of alpha smelling guys rounding Evan, who looks two parts close to fainting and, surprisingly, one part pissed.

Connor walks faster towards them, hand clenching into fists, and he knows he’s growling, and part him wants to stop so he doesn’t scare Evan away, but the omega smells relieved when he sees him, so the part that’s pushing Connor forwards wins. Some of the guys stumble back, the rest are eying him wearily, Connor has never been thankful for his reputation before this moment.

A particularly buff guy shifts into a challenging stance; Connor positions himself in front of Evan, standing to his whole height. They stare at each other; the guy makes the mistake of glancing at Evan, who’s hiding behind Connor, who makes a squeak when it happens, and Connor snarls, getting the attention back to him, and something changes, because the guy immediately takes a step back, and then the whole group is running.

“C-Connor?”

He closes his eyes; breathing through his mouth, trying to calm down because Evan isn’t who he’s angry with, the omega is too shaken to be calming right now, so Connor has to ride this one on his own, it’s an experience. He waits until his hands aren’t clenched anymore before looking at Evan, who has his whole attention on him; he looks dangerously close to breaking down.

“You ok with touch?”

Evan bites his lip, and there’s worry mixed with every other emotion that’s swirling on his lake blue eyes; then he nods and Connor gently pulls him into him. There’s a beat where they’re just standing there, where Evan’s finally making sense of what just almost happened, and then Connor feels the tears in his shoulder, and Evan’s hands gripping at him, he tentatively starts rubbing circles on Evan’s back, remembering that it helped somewhat last time.

“I… I’m so-sorry”

Connor shushes him, this isn’t Evan’s fault, it’s those jerks’, and their society, but not Evan’s, so he has nothing to be sorry about.


	12. I’d fall for you in every lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funny part is… none of it surprises him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love and hate writing only one kind of POV on equal amounts, and I think that says a lot about me as a person  
> If I’m doing my math correctly, the previous chapter would’ve taken place on December 14th; I’m surprisingly ok with this

It occurs to Connor that he’s known Evan for three months, and he gets this epiphany when Evan invites him over to his house, because Heidi Hansen wants to properly meet him, and it makes sense that she would, because if Connor had been any other alpha, he would already be courting Evan; but it is Connor, and he doesn’t know how to make it seem like he’s interested in Evan in that way. Don’t get him wrong, Connor cares a lot, and he likes Evan to an extent, he’s unfairly endearing, but Connor doesn’t want to have sex with Evan.   
Courting was the first step towards mating with someone; mating meant knotting and claiming the omega through a mark, and while marking someone wasn’t necessarily sexual, knotting was inherently so. And if the relationship he had with Evan was really what they both pretended it was, they would have already started the dance that courting implied, but they weren’t, and that was a situation.

Things had been a bit different since that day in the hall, Evan seemed to smile a bit wider, relax a little easier, all good things, so Connor wasn’t going to confront him and chance ruining whatever progress he had made. But doing that sounded like a task that’d be less likely to fuck things up than bringing the subject of fake courting up, or be less awkward at the very least.

But Connor gathered whatever courage he had in him, took a deep breath and approached Evan, making sure the omega knew he wasn’t giving any bad news, or well, the definition of bad news was kind of biased in this particular situation.

“About the whole eating with your mom thing…”   
“Are you still coming?”   
“Yes, of course, I’m just worried she thinks I’m courting you, or trying to”

“Oh, uh… I didn’t think about that”   
Connor nodded, it made sense, the only experience with an alpha Evan had was Kleinman, and he was obviously very bad at the whole thing.

“We’ve known each other for about three months; it’d make sense for her to think so”

There’s a pause, as Evan processes this information, and Connor can’t blame him for taking his time.

“So we’d have to pretend we are is what you’re saying”

“Or at least like we’re starting to, it’d be weird for us to not be at least at that stage”

“How does that work?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never courted someone”

“You said Jared tried to court me”   
“Kleinman is an example of what not to do if you ask me”

Evan snorted, nose wrinkling and eyes closing, Connor felt a small smile curling in his lips.

“Maybe we should practice, you know… acting like we’re interested in each other like that”

“God, that’s gonna be awkward as hell”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

By the time of the dinner, they have a better idea of how to act around each other if the subject comes up, and Connor is almost certain it will.

The day comes and Connor finds himself dressing up in something nice-ish, after taking the time to shower and brush his hair, like he’s trying to make an impression; he is, because he likes Evan to some extent, but that’s not what Heidi Hansen will see. Connor had suggested to maybe bring flowers, Evan had accused him of wanting to date his mom, and Connor had rolled with it only for Evan to completely lose it when Connor called him ‘son’; in the end there were no flowers bought, but Evan took the entire day to stop snorting whenever he saw Connor, the alpha was particularly proud of how unapologetic Evan was about this fact.

The Hansen household is small-ish, but irradiates a homely vive; the entire place feels lived in, and actually smells like the two people that make the Hansen family. Connor is so used to his own house, that’s always so pristine and smells like product except for his bedroom, that even standing in the porch of this residence, as he is right now, is making him off-balanced.

Heidi opens the door for him, and Connor is reminded that she’s a beta, which is yet another thing Connor is unused to. It’s not that Connor has never been around betas before; it’s just that he isn’t sure how normal alphas act around them, and that may prove a problem in the current situation.

Luckily, Evan comes downstairs before Connor can make too much of a fool of himself; his relieved sigh can easily be mistaken for a fond one, and though romanticism isn’t particularly obligatory in the whole shebang, it will help regardless.

Would Connor be more inclined to courting if it were purely a romantic thing? The answer is a secure yes; he’s a sucker for that kind of stuff. But he’s never stopped to think if he’d do it with anyone in particular; would he do it with Evan?

Evan Hansen, who has become a familiar, and borderline comforting, figure in Connor’s day to day. Who doesn’t judge Connor for how he feels and how he deals with it, but understands him, and honestly wants to help him.

Evan Hansen, who by now Connor knows so much about, who can recognize trees by the shape of their leaves, but can’t remember the years of important battles, and who can string words together almost effortlessly when typing on a computer, but can’t seem to do so in front of a person; though Connor has become an exception to this rule.

Evan Hansen who cares far more about Connor Murphy than he should, but shows it in quiet ways, because anything else would be giving away too much, and they both are too hung up over how this started.

If courting were purely romantic, Connor wouldn’t do it with Evan. Not because he wouldn’t want to- and here a part of Connor insists that he would want that, would want to be with Evan, to hold him, and to care for him freely –but because Evan Hansen deserves better, deserves everything.


	13. I’ve never been good at emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor doesn’t know how to name these new feelings, or what to do with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sad thing is that we only know Connor through the eyes of other people, and what we see of him during one day, one bad day too. So there isn’t really a wrong way to write him

It’s a lot harder to pretend that you’re attracted to someone, when you actually have feelings for that someone. Connor was running out of excuses as to why his metaphors didn’t make sense in his head.

It was a whole deal, because Connor had realized that he wanted Evan, not in the possessive, I think of you as an object way that he was supposed to; but more in a, you're exactly what I need in my life kind of way.

Romance, according to society, was a tool betas could use to get into an alpha or omega’s pants; but Connor liked the way it worked, even if it had the same end goal as everything else. But even if Connor had actually presented as a beta, that still wouldn’t mean he could easily romance his very first crush.

Actually, if Connor thought about it, had he been a beta, he would’ve never approached Evan on the first place. This is a realization that sits weirdly with him, mainly because Connor refuses to admit just how important his relationship with Evan has become.

Despite his newfound feelings, he still plays his part, only now it’s much easier, and feels a lot less like pretending, but it also weighs heavily on him because he’s lying to Evan when that’s the exact opposite of what he wants.

Connor wants to be honest, to talk things through with Evan, to make sense of what this is and what it means for them; but he can’t say for sure that Evan feels the same, and he promised to let the omega lead the pace; he’d just end up rushing Evan if he told him. A rushed answer that feels forced would be worse than no answer at all, he decides.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Getting home after the dinner at the Hansen household is an experience; there’s such an obvious difference, between the pristine white walls of his house, and the worn down brick of Evan’s home. And it’s easier to concentrate on the aesthetic things, because thinking about the other differences won’t change anything, no matter how much he wants it to change.

Connor isn’t expecting Larry, but he’s there when he enters the house, the business-like seriousness contrasts his mom’s almost childish enthusiasm. They both direct their gazes at him, this is common practice, Connor’s been in this situation a thousand times, but this is probably the first time he honestly doesn’t know what they’re mad about.

“So Connor, your mother tells me you found yourself an omega”

“That’s what this is about?”

“Honey, we’re not mad”

“What?”

“Well, we’ve noticed that you’re attending school regularly”

Of course he was, he couldn’t leave Evan alone in that place

“And that you’ve been smoking less”

“That’s-“  
He stops himself, hand resting at the table for stability, because he hadn’t realized it, but it was true. It’s not that he stopped because of Evan, but that the plan required him to pay attention, to be there, and smoking made that difficult; but it was because of Evan, because Connor didn’t want to hurt the omega, and he had less of a chance to do that if he wasn’t high off his ass.

“He’s a good influence”

His mom is smiling softly at him as she says this, and Connor bites back the comment that rises to his throat, something on the lines of ‘You have no idea’. Instead, he nods, like he’s acknowledging what she said, like it’s a simple fact.

“I’d like to meet this omega of yours”

Connor feels his hands tightening into fists, but he keeps his mouth shut, because this is what he wanted, isn’t it? To appear like a normal alpha? To get them to stop looking at him like a disappointment, because he couldn’t feel the way they told him he should? Wasn’t that the whole point?

This, whatever he felt for Evan, would never work, because Connor constructed it on a lie. He somehow managed to escape from his parents, and hide in his room, letting himself slump on top of his bed; he was an idiot.

His cellphone vibrated, making him take out his head from his pillow and see a new message.

><><><><><><><><><>< 

_Mom asked me about you_

_That was a weird conversation_

Yeah?

Try both my parents wanting to meet you

_Fuck_

_You win_

Evan

_Yeah?_

My parents want to meet you

_Oh god_

_What if they hate me?_

_They're definitely gonna hate me_

No they're not

They'll adore you just for existing

Trust me on this one

_Ok_

_I trust you_

><><><><><><><><><>< 

He gets somewhere close to smiling, not really in the headspace for much more, he feels some sort of energy running through him, and he needs to get rid of it, before it becomes too much.

He leaves his bed, goes to his desk, grabs his stuff, and starts drawing; the pencil is an almost comforting weight on his hand, and each line seeps out a bit of that energy he can’t keep in, and he forgets for a moment.

When he’s done, he realizes it’s a drawing of a clearing in the woods; a single figure sits atop one of the tree branches, eyes closed with a kind of serenity that speaks volumes. Connor had only seen the aftermath, but he had been in the other end of it plenty, so imagining what Evan Hansen looked like before he let go wasn’t all that hard.

He wonders why this moment, upon hundreds that he’s shared with the omega, but this was the catalyzer of everything,  and Connor wishes he had known Evan before it got to that. If nothing else, he can try and prevent him from ever going there again.


	14. And you scream till your throat is sore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way people act around Connor is getting a bit repetitive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words are heavy things, meaningful things, and complex things. What did you guys feel like when you finally found your words?

The next week he’s driving the omega back to the orchard, hands tight around the wheel, lake blue eyes worriedly over him; a reminder that he’s driving with someone else and should slow down.

It started with Zoe, and Connor would be lying if he said that was a first, but his sister had all but dragged him aside before class.

“What are you playing at?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means, what did you do to Evan Hansen?”

“What do you care?”

“There’s no way you aren’t forcing him into it, the guy has anxiety”

Connor opens his mouth to refute, but then her words finally hit him.

“How do you know that?”  
Zoe is too slow to retort, and her face gives her away, Connor brushes a hand through his hair.

“Oh, this is fucking rich, first Kleinman and now you? Is everyone in this school after Evan?”

“You probably never even payed attention to him until this year”

Connor gets ready to say something less than kind about her opinion on the subject, when he senses Evan approaching.

“Um, is everything ok?”

Zoe turns to him; her expression doesn’t change; that’s her first mistake.

“Is he threatening you?”  
“What?”  
“Evan, is my brother threatening you?”

“No? Why would he?”

“Because he’s a psychopath”

And that’s her second mistake, because in a second the entire room shifts, like something snapped.

“Well, for your information I like Connor plenty, since he actually treats me like a fucking person”

There was something almost poisonous in his tone, something sharp and dangerous.

“And I’d appreciate if you didn’t talk badly about my alpha”

He turned to Connor, a worried expression taking over his features; he tentatively touches his arm, seeking permission, Connor nods, letting Evan lead him away from his sister.

“You didn’t have to do that”

“Does she always treat you like that?”

Connor shrugs, because that was one of their tamest conversations.

“I’m kind of an asshole to her”

“That doesn’t mean it’s right for her to treat you like… well, you know”

And Connor can’t maintain the eye contact anymore, can’t even glance at Evan when he looks so earnest about this. Connor ignores the way his chest seems to be squeezing his heart; not knowing how to deal with it.

Zoe still keeps an eye on them, waiting for a slip up of any kind. It makes the day harder to get through than it has any business of being, and by the end of it he feels caged inside the walls of the high school.

Evan was the one to suggest they go to the orchard, and at this point Connor isn’t sure why it surprises him that Evan knows him so well.

The orchard is just as quiet as usual, and the moment they get to their usual spot Connor sinks into the grass, he listens as Evan drops down nearby.

“We might need to up our game a little”

“I uh… did some research”

“Smart”

“We should exchange scented items”

Connor nodded, already having an idea of what to give Evan. He watches the omega rummage through his backpack.

"I made you this because, well... it was easy, and it should hold"

He pulls out what looks like a string necklace with a semi-transparent blue vial as a pendant. Connor handles it with care, he has an idea of what it is, and he quickly puts it on.

"I'll have something for you tomorrow... can I pick you up?"

Evan smiles at him, Connor feels warmth spreading through him.

"I'd like that"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He shows up the next day at the Hansen household with one of his hoodies, having taken the previous day to make sure the scent on it was strong and would last long; it looks way bigger than it is when Evan puts it on, and Connor tries really hard not to stare at how adorable the omega looks right then. Instead, he gently guides Evan into his car, and tries not to get his hopes up at how at ease Evan looks surrounded in Connor’s scent as he is.

Connor had also done his research, though his was more about his real relationship with Evan; and he found a bit about romantic attraction. Though most articles treated it as a sign of a strong connection between mates, the… symptoms all coincided with how Connor felt about Evan.

Even if knowing this did nothing to help with issue that he had feelings for his only friend, something in Connor settled at having a word to call this feelings, to know he was capable of wanting someone, in any sort of way.

Connor senses eyes on them the moment they enter school, it isn’t anything new for him, but he knows Evan, and this is definitely a first for him; the omega shifts a bit closer to Connor seeking comfort. Connor leads them both to their lockers, only to find a particular alpha hanging out near Evan’s, his nose twitches at Kleinman’s scent, but there’s also annoyance in the air, and Connor is surprised to find out it doesn’t belong to him.

Evan has his arms crossed, something sharp in his gaze, somehow painting a more threatening picture than the offended looking Kleinman.

“What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing much, I just thought it was weird to see you wearing something that reeked so much of Murphy”

He detached himself from the lockers he’d been laying on, trying to subdue the obviously angry omega, - and here Connor wanted to step in and make Kleinman back off, but Evan needed to do this- but Evan stood his ground.

“And what do you care?”

He took a decided step forward, Kleinman flinched backwards.

“Last time I checked I rejected you, I know because you’ve treated me like a discard-able object since, so sorry if I want to be with someone who actually cares about me”

Evan took another step, making Kleinman stumble this time, the omega’s features had turned into something of a snarl.

“Why don’t you go bother your ‘real’ friends, you know, the ones you don’t have to be paid to hang out with”

Evan huffed, moving past Kleinman, retrieving his books from the locker, and slamming the door shut before leaving; Connor made to follow but was pulled back by a steaming Kleinman.

“What the hell did you do to him? That’s not Evan Hansen”

Connor blinked, realized that Kleinman was being serious, and smiled pitifully at him.

“Jesus, did you not even take the time to know him?”

Kleinman’s hold on Connor slacks, as the words seem to break something in him, because he now stands there looking lost, and Connor takes the chance to get away and hurry after Evan. He notices that the omega is shaking slightly when he finally catches up.

“You ok?”

“I don’t know… I feel like I got a weight of me, but I don’t think I should have-“

“Evan listen”  
The lake blue eyes settle on him, and it occurs to Connor that this is the first time he’s used the omega’s name out loud, but that can wait.

“You’re allowed to be angry at him, and you’re allowed to cut all ties with him, and you’re allowed to do so with anyone in your life who drags you down and makes you feel like shit, got it?”

Evan bit his lip, but eventually nodded, Connor squeezed the omega’s good arm softly.

“How much longer ‘till you get your cast off?”

“Next week, actually”

“Want me to drive you to the hospital?”

“Please do”

Evan was smiling now, small and tentative, but Connor still considered it a victory.


	15. Don’t build atop crystal castles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is building two relationships with the same person, only the second is honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mental health is a constant battle between my ego and my self-hatred; and the concept that I can’t possibly be the only one like this  
> I based the cast time in my own experiences with broken bones

The doctor who cut Evan’s arm seemed to appreciate Connor’s art, even if they still cut it in half, and was ok with letting Evan keep it, which had the omega smiling adorably, because Evan was also a fan of the way it looked.

“My arm feels so light… and cold”

 “Is your mom staying till late again?”

“You know the answer to that”

“Are you gonna cook again?”

Evan crossed his arms at Connor, but there was a smile on his lips.   
“You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you only hang out with me for the food”

“I mean, it’s definitely a plus, not gonna lie”

“How was it that you found out again?”   
“You stress bake”

“Oh, right”

Connor smiled in amusement, holding the door open for Evan, who was carrying his cast.

“Don’t your parents mind that you’re spending so much time with me?”

“Larry doesn’t give a shit, and Cynthia is mostly just happy with knowing I’m somewhere safe”

Evan nods, but he’s being too quiet, and Connor knows him well enough by now to recognize the signs.

“What’s on your mind?”   
Evan looked at him, mouth opening for a second, like he was preparing to say something, the shutting closed, as Evan bit his lip, glancing around, then finally he made eye contact again.

“I’m kind of… nearing my heat”

It felt as though someone had pulled the manual break on the earth.

“Oh”

Connor wondered what heats were like for Evan, especially considering that he –very much like Connor himself- disliked sex. Connor swallowed, nodding his head.

“That’s fine, I’ll probably skip”

“I’m not going to miss school?”

“No?”   
Evan shook his head, something dark settling in his eyes.

“I can’t afford to, not if I wanna go to college, and I can get suppressors”

“Ah, right”

“I just… I don’t have the money for good scent blockers, so…”

“You’re probably gonna become very popular”   
“I didn’t want to be a bother”

“Evan, you’re my only friend, I don’t mind getting in a few fights for you”

Evan gave him a hard to read look, too many emotions coursing through his eyes, a small grateful smile on his lips; not knowing what to make of it, Connor simply smiled back.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You do know you’re allowed to kick me out of your own house, particularly now”

“I want you here”

Connor gave him a pointed look; Evan rolled his eyes at him.

“I know and trust you enough not to worry about you being here right now”

His tone was exaggerated, each syllable stressed oddly.

“Is that what you want me to say?”   
Connor huffed, because he refuses to admit that Evan has him spot on, he’s not sure how to deal with how well Evan knows him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor finds himself having to glare at more people than usual, but he’s already committed to acting like Evan’s bodyguard, not that he wouldn’t have glared anyway, considering how much he cares about the omega.

“I don’t like seeing you scowl so much”   
“Eh, it’s probably the only time I’ve done it for someone else’s stake”

“That doesn’t help Connor”

“You’re not a bother Evan”

“But-“

“Nope, not letting you finish that, if I didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t, that easy”

Evan opened his mouth like he wanted to retort, but seemed to decide it was better to close it, because he said nothing; Connor had the feeling that he knew exactly what Evan’s comment was going to be.


	16. Winter bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things fall into place, but they’ve barely scratched the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if one day we’re able to make giant functioning hourglasses in Minecraft, as in, able to spin?  
> I looked everywhere for this other fic on this tag that inspired the snow scene, so I could ask to borrow it, and I couldn’t for the life of me find it, so this is a shout out to that fic, if you see it, please tell me so I can credit it properly, and also apologize

Somehow, it all happens because of the snow.

Connor was a huge fan of winter, people generally liked winter because of warm things, cuddling with those close to them in front of a fireplace, warm sweet drinks, the holydays. But Connor liked it for a different reason… everything was charged with a different energy in winter, the wind was harsher, and Connor could lay on snow for hours letting the cold seep into his bones; it was tragic, really, that people didn't like winter for the cold.

Connor asked Evan if he disliked winter because of all the dead trees, and won himself a lecture on how trees actually worked, something about them being dormant or whatever, Connor guessed it was somewhat cool. Evan did like winter for the cold, claiming that the extra layers made him feel more comfortable.

“And uhm… ice skating”

“Seriously?”  
“I haven’t really done it in ages, but I used to be somewhat decent”

Connor is a bit impressed, because Evan doesn’t generally compliment himself, so he makes it his mission to get the omega back into a pair of skates.

The only problem with the plan is that Connor himself has never tried to ice skate, and it turns out to be really hard. On the upside, he had never heard Evan laugh so much or look so joyful before, that was more than worth a few bumps from falling into the ice.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The orchard has been overtaken by snow, and Connor feels a bit giddy at how awestruck Evan looks when he sees it, he actually starts running, and the next thing he knows is that there’s a snowball thrown his way and he hears laughter

“Your face!”

“Oh, so this is how we’re playing”

He bends down to gather some snow, Evan lets out a fucking squeak, as he hurries over the nearest tree for protection. They spend a while exchanging snowballs, and chasing each other, until Evan manages to somehow get snow on Connor’s back, and the alpha tackles him, starting a mock fight for dominance

They roll around laughing, matching grins on their faces, when they stop Evan is on top of Connor, grinning like a child, and the next thing Connor knows is that they're kissing, he can't tell who started it, too busy reeling over the fact that he's kissing Evan and Evan is kissing him back, and there's not a soul around so this is on them. There's no rush to it, it just feels as though the world has fallen away and they're the only thing remaining, no one to try telling them what this means, just each other's fading warmth, Evan pulls away first.

He looks at Connor like he's waiting for the worst, but Connor simply lets a grin take over his face, a hand lifting to brush the snow off of Evan's hair. Evan kisses him again, shorter this time, but charged with relief, and none of it means what it's supposed to, but it doesn't have to, not when Evan is smiling at Connor like that.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It’s later, when they’ve made their way back to Evan’s home, covered in blankets and sipping hot chocolate; that it falls on them.

“That wasn’t fake”

“It wasn’t”  
“I don’t regret it, not really, but…”

Connor turns to look at him, something settling inside him.

“Look, it doesn’t have to mean anything-”

“But I want it to mean something!”

Evan has turned to look at Connor too as he says this, but then he looks elsewhere.

“I just… I don’t know what”

“Do you know what romantic attraction is?”

“I mean, kind of? Isn’t that only for mated people?”  
“Evan, we don’t exactly work normally”

Evan opens and closes his mouth, before leaning back into the couch.

“When you put it that way”

Connor let out an amused huff as he leans so he can be at eye level with the omega.

“Hey, I’ll be here, whatever you decide”

“It’s just- how would it even work? We don’t- I don’t… like sex”

“It wouldn’t be the usual way, no”

Evan bites his lip, Connor is unsure whether he should try to comfort him before lake green eyes rise to meet his own mismatched ones.

“I do like you, I think, and I want to keep spending time with you, and I really want to kiss you again”

“Then fuck the usual way, let’s just make whatever this is work”

“Yeah?”  
“You are probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me, and I like you too, so why the hell not?”

“Can I kiss you then?”  
“Sure”

It’s soft and much warmer than before, and it tastes like chocolate, but it’s really nice, and their drinks sit forgotten on the coffee table, and there’s the sound of someone walking into the room, they part quickly, both flustered at being caught, Heidi smiles at them a bit embarrassed herself.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt”

She says this to Connor, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the way this works; he manages to shrug without letting his uneasiness show.

“I was just about to go”

He stands up, going to gather his things, followed by a still flushed Evan.

“I’ll uh… walk you out”

Connor nods, then shoots a glance at Heidi.

“Nice to see you Ms. Hansen”

She smiles at him in that same politely surprised way Evan does whenever Connor stops him from zooning off, the alpha stops himself from staring too much by promptly walking towards the door, Evan walks with him all the way to the sidewalk, Connor turns to him.

“Can I kiss you?”  
Evan nods quickly; Connor presses their lips together shortly and then pulls away with a small smile.

“See you at school Ev”


	17. Weary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at the Murphy’s is something Connor’s not very partial to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not be implying that all writers are good at lying, your pick

Driving Evan to his house is odd, like there’s some energy stagnant in the air between them, like there’s something he’s forgetting to mention, and sure, Connor has already spilled everything about his family, and how he felt towards them, and how they acted towards him, but there’s always a chance that a fight will break, or something will go wrong, and he’s worried.

Evan tries to comfort him, there’s a lot more contact between them now a days, it’s something both of them are still a bit surprised about, but it’s incredibly grounding, and it feels really nice. Evan mostly plays with Connor’s hand, rubbing circles on the back, brushing the knuckles gently, and Connor finds himself staring at how calm it makes him; Connor tends to lay on Evan, resting some of his weight on the omega, Evan doesn’t seem to mind; and now there’s also the kissing, and that’s a whole thing, but it’s a good thing, or at least Connor likes it, and he hopes that Evan likes it as well, knows he’d stop dead if Evan showed the slightest sign of displeasure.

Despite how long it’s been since they’ve met each other, this is only the second time Evan visits Connor’s house, and he looks just as amazed by it as the first, Connor has mixed feelings about this, because to him this place holds more bad than it does good, and he doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that Evan seems to like it so much.

They are welcomed to the house by Cynthia, who’s all exited smiles and searching looks, Connor senses Evan moving closer to him and wraps a comforting arm around him, leading the omega upstairs, and telling his mom they’ll be downstairs for dinner.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor feels a little odd about his room, it’s very blank, just empty dull colored walls, a desk, a bookshelf, a wardrobe, and his bed; no posters, though there were a few drawings now, of random things he’s seen, trees Evan’s sent him, and a few of Evan that he blushes at.

“So, rules?”

“Well… do they think we’re courting?”

Connor bites his lip, remembering the way Larry had referred to Evan, feeling his nails against his palm.

“Yes”  
“Ok, so we need to act like we… you know”  
“Right, uhm… we should start with the way we look at each other?”

Evan nods, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, when he opens them again is only half-way, his lips curve into a soft smile, and Connor feels like his heart jumps at his throat, then Evan glances from Connor’s mouth to his eyes, and licks his lips slowly, Connor shivers in place.

“Yeah, that should work”

Evan drops the face, and for a moment Connor wonders if he fucked up, but then Evan’s eyes soften, and he gives him that smile that seems to be reserved for Connor.  
“It’s easier when I actually want to kiss you”    

Connor is a bit surprised by how bold Evan has become now that they’re… together, in a way; it was really nice to see Evan so comfortable in this. Connor smiles softly at him, if tonight ends in bloodshed, then at least he’ll have right now.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor somehow forgot that Evan had experience in lying, and that he had a good grasp on his words, Connor’s read some of the things Evan has written; he’s really good. Connor follows his lead, plays the part of quietly attentive alpha, grateful for the excuse to ignore his parents, until he can’t.  

“I do hope you know what you’re getting into”

It’s said normally, calmly, like a suggestion, but Larry’s face speaks volumes, he has that challenging look Connor has learned to heart, the one he sees whenever they fight, a look that makes every instinct in Connor light up like switches, his hands curling into fists under the table, he barely even notices, but Evan does, because there’s a hand over Connor’s under the table, finger running through knuckles.

“You seem like a good omega, it would be a shame if you ended up ruined because of one of my son’s moods”

There’s nothing soothing about the hand that has now taken Connor’s, no, this is Evan controlling himself, trying to keep the act up, and Connor knows that he’s the only one who can smell the swirling emotions, because no one else is reacting.

“I trust Connor”

Larry raises an eyebrow, and his eyes move to Connor, and Connor glares at him, daring to say anything, because out of everything that’s been said tonight, this is the one thing Connor knows to be true; and he’ll defend it with everything he has. Cynthia re-directs the conversation, asking Evan about school, Zoe pipes up, joining a bit too eagerly, Connor waits until Larry’s attention is taken away from him before he pays any attention to what’s being said; it’s not a victory, because Connor just can’t win in this house, but it’s something.


	18. Weighting our history

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They tell you never to talk religion; Connor’s really bad at following advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m extremely uncomfortable about festivities, bc I don’t know how to feel abt them anymore, and I admittedly forgot  
> I’m sorry this is so short, I’m trying to stop beating around the metaphorical bush here, and getting on with the plot of this story, so expect some more time skipping soon-ish

Dinner thankfully doesn’t have any other bumps, though Evan is still tense, and at the end of it Connor guides Evan back to his room. The omega bristles in place; Connor’s expecting the words that follow.

"He can't just-"

"He's the head of the house; he can do whatever he wants"

"He shouldn't be able to!"

"Look, it sucks, you don't have to tell me, but you really don't have to get angry over it"

"How can I not?"

Connor opens and shuts his mouth a few times, trying to come up with the right way to answer, but he ends up giving up with a sigh; slumping into his bed.

"Were you challenging him?"   
"Yeah, do it a lot"

"I've noticed"

Connor shrugs, watching as Evan sits beside him on the bed.

"It's one of the few alpha-like things I do"

"You're also very protective"   
"Yeah, well, you matter a lot to me"

Evan smiles at him brightly, eyes lidded, Connor sits up, placing a hand in the omega's cheek.

"Can I kiss you"   
"I'd like that"

Connor needs to learn to close his door more often, because when he’s kissing Evan he can’t see people passing by, so now there’s coughing coming from the doorway, Connor breaks the kiss to look at whoever it is with fake anger, and hidden panic. Zoe stands on his doorway, one eyebrow perfectly arched up, arms crossed, Connor calms down considerably when he sees her alone.

“If you’re going to claim your omega at least close the door”

Evan flushes bright red, hiding his face in Connor’s chest adorably.

“Fuck off Zoe”

She scoffs, and slams Connor’s door closed, leaving them alone again.

“Sorry about that”

Evan makes an incomprehensible noise; Connor can see the tips of his ears reddened.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor’s never been a fan of the holydays, but his family seemed to be, however late they were to decorate for them. Evan was Jewish, but he didn’t think they would celebrate, considering the holydays were the busiest times for her.

“You know, I’ve thought about it, and I think I might be agnostic”

“Really?”

“Well, I mean… it’s mostly that I have no idea what the fuck I believe in, and I think that’s what agnosticism is about”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not”

Connor turned to him with an over exaggerated look of distress

“Then what am I?”

Evan’s face morphed into a disbelieving smile, like he was about to laugh, knew it, and didn’t want to because the joke was terrible

“A dork”

Connor smiled at him, it was nice to have Evan joke with him; it was nice to see the omega happy. It wasn’t often that Connor thought back on it, on how this had all started, but just because Evan looked happy around him didn’t mean he wasn’t still on the edge; Connor knew because no matter how happy he was around Evan, he still couldn’t stop his thoughts.

This only solved one tiny problem amongst thousands, and sure, solving that much was amazing, but it wasn’t a magic cure, it just helped. Somedays, Evan would still go radio silent, some others he would jump at the slightest thing and run out of breath, some days Connor couldn’t get up of bed, some others his throat burned with the bitter taste of anger; but it was better now, they had someone to be with, someone who understood, and someone who didn’t judge.


	19. The more you rush about, the less you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Connor fears that he’s the only one wishing for eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not saying that you gotta agree on everything with your partner, but you should be able to talk things through without it escalating into a full out battle  
> According to Mike Faist’s Tony outfit, Connor at the very least considered prom, or would’ve if he had survived up to then Btw why is prom so expensive? I’ve never experienced it, but the pages I checked all had the tickets at pretty high numbers

Time sort of slipped pass Connor, going through the motions of a routine was easy, and having someone there to keep him company made it bearable too. Connor and Evan grew tentatively closer, carefully, testing the limits because this was new, and strange, and didn’t work like anything they knew, and sometimes it was frustrating to not know, but they always managed to work through it.

Days turn to weeks, turn to months, and the heat’s settling back in, and there’s talk of prom, and somehow, Connor is doing decently in class, it’s an experience. Connor finds Evan talking with Alana, though it seems Alana is doing most of the talking; they stand close to a table where the student council is distributing tickets and asking for voluntaries.

Connor would be lying if he said he didn’t want to go to prom, sure, the idea of being in a small place with people who hated him wasn’t all that alluring, but it would be like a definite close to the high school experience, and now he had someone to go with. Evan sees him over Alana’s shoulder, and smiles in what looks like relief, Alana turns and sees him as well.

“Oh, hello Connor, I was just telling Evan about prom night”

“You didn’t tangle him into helping out, did you?”

“I’m guilty of trying; he’s not so easily swayed”

Connor chuckles under his breath, stopping besides Evan.

“Sorry Beck, I’m going to take him away now”

“Tickets are $30 for a couple”  
“Got it”  

 He gently puts an arm around Evan’s waist, checking for any signs to stop, and when Evan gave a slight nod he pulled him away. Evan leaned a bit into him, a show of trust.

“She’s nice, if a bit overwhelming”

“Too driven for your taste?”  
“You could definitely say that”

“I think she only let us go because she thinks you’re going to invite me to the prom”

“Do you want to go?”  
Evan flushes, twiddling with his fingers.

“I mean… social situations aren’t my strong suit”

“But?”

“It’s just… I have to put myself out there, if I’m- if I’m gonna go to college”  
“That’s really brave, that you’re willing to do that”  
“Well… it’s easier when you have back up”  
“Oh”

“Yeah so, if you want to… I mean, you totally don’t have to, but I’d like to… share this, with you?”  
“Yes”  
“Yes?”  
Connor rolls his eyes, moves so he’s in front of Evan and holds his hands, smiling softly.

“Evan Hansen, I have so many feelings for you, it’s ridiculous, but we’re teens, so would you go to prom with me?”

Evan blinks, once, twice, thrice, and then starts full out laughing, uncontrollably, nose wrinkling in that adorable way it does when he’s too happy to correct it, whole face seemingly glowing, and Connor feels warmth coursing through his veins as he watches this.

“That bad?”

When Evan finally re-gains his breath, he looks at Connor with a laugh-laced smile.

“I’d love to go to prom with you”

Connor feels a grin spreading through his lips.

“Ok, cool”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Connor tried the suit on, the upper part fit him perfectly, but the pants were a bit short, enough that the socks stood out when he sat down, still, it would do.

He undressed, carefully, the necklace Evan gave him felt cold against his skin, he brought it up to his nose, getting a breath of Evan’s soothing scent, it wasn’t the first time he’s done it, it helps him control his outburst, stop them before he can hurt anyone other than himself. Evan always seems to know when Connor does blow up on himself, like it’s second nature, but it’s probably him simply recognizing the signs, because they’re both balancing on ropes with the same names, and the differences only really stand out in the outbursts, not in the seconds before them.

Connor’s cellphone rings with the message tone, he smiles softly at Evan’s number on his screen.

><><><><><><><><><>< 

_I have a confession_

_I’ve no idea how prom works_

Jesus Christ

_I have never been to a school dance Connor_

And you think I have?

_Fuck_

_You’re right_

Look

We’ll just go with the motions

Dress up, dance awkwardly in place

All that jazz

_Yeah_

_Yeah, that sounds ok_

Hey

I’ll be there the whole time

_Right_

_Ok_

_I just_

_Nerves_

You’re fine Ev

_Thanks_

_Con_

><><><><><><><><><>< 

Connor hides his face in his pillow, but he’s smiling like an idiot, it’s nice, whatever they have going, he likes the way it feels, having someone on his side. It’s still unsure, even with how long it’s been, because there isn’t anything to go by, but it’s theirs, and that’s more than enough.

Connor rolls so he can stare at his ceiling, it was a long time to be courting someone, he knew, but he could easily blame it on school whenever Larry implied it. He was stalling this in particular, because he didn’t know if Evan would want to go that far on their act, even if he returned Connor’s feelings.

Mating was irreversible.


	20. Never an act to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Granted, this was a long time coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been planning this since before I wrote chapter one, actually, if anyone wants to see the original concept that evolved into this fic, I have it, it’s just bits and pieces though

It happened the next day, Connor saw Alana talking with Evan again, but this time Evan looked more at ease, with a small smile on his lips, while Alana looked flustered. Evan saw him and got this wicked smile on his face, turning at to say something that made the other omega squeak, and then Evan was striding towards him followed by Alana.

“Hi Con”

Connor feels a trill of warmth wash over him at the nickname, and smiles at Evan in amusement and endearment.

“Hey”

“I was hoping you could help us with something”

Evan turns to Alana, with a pointed look; she flushes a darker shade of red.

“I may be interested in pursuing a relationship with your sister”

“Oh”   
He looks at Evan, lake blue eyes alight with something akin to mischief, and he suddenly understands.

“You’d be good for her, I say go for it”   
“Would that work?”   
“It worked on me”   
He looks at Evan as he says this, because even if Connor had been the one to start this, he’s been letting Evan lead the whole time, also it’s what he told Kleinman, and being consistent is important when faking a relationship. Connor sees Alana nod in the corner of his eye, and he turns to her right as her face morphs into a decided expression.

“This has been very useful”

Connor shrugs, Alana turns to Evan, one part of her lip lifted just slightly.

“Thank you”

She leaves with an energy that Connor envies, and once she’s out of hearing range he turns back to Evan.   
“I didn’t peg you for the type to play matchmaker”

“I figured it was a good way to get Zoe off our backs”

“Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s brilliant”

Evan beams at him, bright and proud.

“Thanks”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were at the orchard, and it was starting to become green again, they sit in a bent tree trunk, to avoid getting wet.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you”

Connor can’t pin point the moment in which he decided to do this, can’t remember getting the courage to speak this words, or to ask Evan to come here.

“Before I do, I want you to know, all the talk about you setting the pace? All that still stands, and if you want to cut it clean, then I won’t blame you”

Lake blue eyes weight heavily on him; and Connor is transported back in time, to that very first drive, for just a few beats.

“It’s about mating”   
The eyes leave him, and only then does Connor look at Evan, who has this lost look about him, head tilted towards the clear sky.

“I figured”   
“You know I… I want nothing more than to see you happy, I guess, whatever that means”

Evan looks back at him, locking Connor’s eyes in place, a weary smile on his face.

“Me too”

The concept it’s terrifying, for everything it represents, and everything it will imply, and everything it takes to work.

“I’m not the best person out there, and you know this, because you’ve helped me so much in all these months, but I-“

Connor swallows, no more beating around the bush, no more of this secrecy between them, no more hiding, their hands meet in the middle.

"I don't want to chain you to me"

Evan pressed their foreheads together

"You're not"

Connor grunted in disagreement, Evan swallowed

"Even if you were, I... I would rather have it be you"

Connor squeezed his hand, because no one else would understand, no one else would be ok with them being so... broken.

"I'd rather it be you too"


	21. What’s real and what isn’t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lines have become blurry, but somehow, that’s a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, chapter 20 was short, I’m trying to wrap up this story, I already have the ending planned, so it’s just a matter of getting there  
> Have some shitty outfit descriptions because they’re my weakest point… enjoy!

In the days before prom a few things happen, the first is Alana and Zoe, and Connor gets first hand proof of why everyone believed their ruse, because the tentative way with which they treat each other is one he recognizes. The second is having to ask Heidi Hansen for permission to mate Evan, explaining that he had talked it with the omega and they agreed on waiting till after graduation, Heidi is a little too happy with the idea, telling Connor that she’s never seen Evan so at ease with anyone before, and thanking him for treating her son so nicely, it’s a surprisingly nice conversation.

The third thing is Connor’s family, as Connor has to repeat the whole mating thing to them, that conversation is much more… awkward, for the lack of a better word. It’s an ordeal, for too many reasons to count, amongst which the one that sticks the most with Connor is the way Larry treats the issue like he thought Connor was worrying too much about it, luckily Cynthia managed to convince him that it’s actually a great thing that Connor is putting education first, Connor doesn’t know how to feel about that either, but worrying about his bad academic prowess was better than worrying about how genuine the act looked.

The last thing was his relationship with Evan. Lacking a proper term for whatever it was, they decided to give a word they did have and give it a different meaning, and they picked the word love.

Love was a rare thing for mated couples, it spoke of a deep and long lasting bond between mates, it spoke of unwavering trust, they kept the latter meaning, but now for them love was every emotion they felt towards the other, overwhelming and all-encompassing and raw, it was the way Connor’s hands itched to hold Evan's, the way he felt when the omega was happy, and also the way he felt when Evan was sad, and when he was trapped in his own head, and when he was panicking, and when he was laughing, and when he was peaceful, and when he laid his head on Connor’s shoulder and sighed in what sounded like content, maybe particularly that last one.

The night of prom arrives, and Connor drives to Evan’s home dressed in a black two piece tux, with a white shirt underneath, his tie is in a hanging bow, he’s received at the door by an exited Heidi, and is made to wait downstairs for Evan.

It’s entirely cliché and movie like, but damn if his eyes don’t focus on Evan the moment Heidi makes a soft gasp, and he’s standing at the end of the staircase, and he’s dressed on a nice dark blue two piece tux, with black accents, but with a proper bowtie, and Connor watches as his face morphs into a smile, and he feels his heart try to leave him. It's weird, thinking Evan beautiful, and feeling as though it isn’t the way he should be looking at the omega, but Connor’s done with that mindset, has let it hold him back plenty, and when Evan finally reaches him, standing in front of him with a soft smile, he lets himself say it.

“You look beautiful”  
Evan blushes slightly, caught unguarded, but obviously pleased.

“You look very handsome yourself”

It’s a well thought word choice, to remind Connor that they have an audience, but it’s also said in that soft tone Evan only uses with him.

“Oh, Connor, do you mind if I take some pictures?”  
Heidi has an off-brand camera in her hands, Evan flushes a bit darker but nods when Connor looks at him for approval.

“Sure, just a few though, we don’t want to be late”  
“Of course”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The school is decorated in more elegant tones of what Connor thinks are some team’s colors, he’s not sure how sports works on that part, just that the color choice rings a bell. There’s a peppy beta manning the entry table, together with a second beta that looks already bored out of their mind; Connor gives his tickets to the peppy one, because he knows what it’s like to be the other one, and guides Evan through the gym doors.

There’s a guy from the yearbook committee managing a photo booth, dressed to match their weirdly colored hair, they have a pretty impressive set up going; there’s already a few couples waiting for a photo, also a few milling about, but no one’s dancing.

They meet with Zoe and Alana at the punch table, Zoe is wearing a mostly black dress with silver accents, while Alana is wearing a longer one in gold.

“Hello Connor, Evan”  
“Hi Alana”

Connor gives her a non-comital nod.

“How are you liking prom so far?”

“It’s a lot quieter than I thought”

Zoe chuckles.

“That’s just because it’s early”

Connor is willing to trust Zoe’s judgement when it comes to how parties work, since she’s gone to plenty.

“Hey Ev, want a professional photo?”  
Evan looks at him oddly but complies, Connor knows he’ll ask, and the omega doesn’t disappoint.

“Are you ok?”  
“Eh… being around Zoe is awkward nowadays”

Evan takes his hand and squeezes it, no words required, the person taking the pictures smells like an omega, they’re dressed in a maroon two piece tux with black accent, a perfect mirror of their hair, which is black with red highlights, green eyes sticking out like sore thumbs.

“Hello there, I’m Trevor Fletcher; I’m guessing you want some permanent memories of tonight?”

“Yes, please”  
“Sorry, that’s a bit disconcerting coming from you, no offence”

Connor feels Evan squeeze his hand again and breathes slowly.

“I get why you’d think that”

“Cool, anyway, let’s do this, I was promised a water bottle after 20 pictures and I need it to survive the rest of tonight”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Dancing is a thing, a whole thing actually, for a moment it’s as though they’re completely alone, and Evan gleams in a similar way than he did in the ice, eyes laugh laced, as he moves Connor around, the alpha is more than happy to follow his lead, enraptured in this one moment. Dancing is a thing because Evan was the one to pull them into the dance area, even if neither of them knew the songs being played, and they weren’t dancing the way everyone else was, and that was kind of a huge deal, so Connor was not going to ruin it for him, it was fun after a bit, once he got used to it.

They’ve been dancing most songs, resting ever so often to take a drink of the punch, which Connor is almost certain is spiked, by the way everyone is acting, but he can’t tell if the red on Evan’s cheeks is from the alcohol or from all the smiling and dancing; so this is either light stuff or Evan is a good drinker, knowing teenagers, it’s most likely the second.

They’re finishing the latest two drinks when the first slow song of the night starts playing, and Connor watches as Evan closes his eyes for a moment, mouth moving instinctively to follow the lyrics. He approaches carefully, softly touching the omega as to not startle him. Evan looks at him, like he’s been awoken from a daydream, then he smiles with just a hint of excitement.

“This is my favorite song”

“Want to shift in a fixed point to it?”

Evan snorted, giving him a disbelieving look, Connor offers him a hand and the omega takes it. It’s different, because they have to be close, but Connor feels warmth run through him, seized by emotion.

“When you’re too in love to let it go…”

Evan whispers the words, mostly to himself, and it’s amazing that Connor’s gotten far enough that he gets to hear this, that Evan feels comfortable enough with him to do this.


	22. And it ends with them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe, it was all simply meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I put Fix you in the last chapter, props for anyone who guessed it from that single line.  
> I want you all to know I wrote the last bit of this ages ago, like, I think I was still working on Color me… this story is surprisingly old  
> That said, thanks for reading this story, I had fun writing it  
> Sincerely Skyler Ghesh

There’s something to be said about endings in real life, because in stories the protagonist just focuses on what’s ahead, it’s the readers that think back on everything that’s happened, because that’s what people do when something reaches an ending, they look back. Connor is guilty of doing this, of stopping, now that he’s moments away from graduating, to reflect on everything, on how it all came down to one moment in which he made a decision he wouldn’t normally take.

If, all those months back, he had just gone to the orchard like he had first planned, then none of this would’ve happened, or at least not the way that it has, and for once Connor doesn’t want to change it.

He’s come to known Evan Hansen, that male omega who had looked so lost in his own territory, every flaw and strength, every like and dislike, things Evan’s never told anyone, things Evan himself didn’t know; and he’s shown himself entirely to him in return. It seems all so obvious now, when he knows Evan so, the feelings that hang between them; but it wasn’t always like that, and it’s proof of their progress as a couple, because that’s just the easiest way to name what they are.

Connor feels odd in the gown, and the cap is to tightly held in place that he thinks he’ll get a headache; Evan, siting besides him, looks even smaller than normal on his own gown, and yet he fits it so much better, like he was always meant to get here, or maybe Connor is biased.

Both of their families take pictures with them, Kleinman shows up too due to her mom being Heidi’s old friend, Connor takes advantage of the fact that alphas are generally jealous and possessive to keep Evan away from him, the omega shoots grateful smiles his way whenever he can without alerting anyone. Alana is there as well, because she and Zoe are going through the motions at rapid speed, but no one’s called on Connor and Evan for taking their time on it, so the alpha tries not to worry about it… too much.

They drive to school in convoy, Connor whispers the words ‘graduate parade’ under his breath and sends Evan into an incontrollable fit of giggles, partly because he actually finds it funny, mostly because he’s nervous, Connor lets him play with his hand.

They have to separate for the ceremony, since the seats are arranged alphabetically, Connor is grateful that neither of them is in the same line than Jared. The ceremony is long and frankly boring, Alana goes up the stage for the final speech, but Connor zones of for most of it, only paying attention when the list gets to Evan, who smiles sheepishly at him from the stage with his diploma, and then he zones off again until the list gets close to his own surname.

“Connor Murphy”

He stands up, and as he walks to the stage he feels eyes fall on him, it’s something he’s gotten used to in every year following that one incident involving a printer and a shitty teacher, but there was a difference, a single pair of eyes that didn’t look at him like a freak show, lake blue, with traces of amber if the sun shone on them, sometimes more blue than green if the day was cloudy, understanding eyes. Connor receives his diploma, and looks at the crowd, meeting with the lake blue eyes, and Evan Hansen grins at him proudly

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“So…”

“So”

They were alone, in Evan’s room, a whole day after graduation. It was late, the sun slowly sinking into the sky, painting the room in orange tones, there was no one else in the home, but this time there was a reason for that. They sit on Evan’s bed, close but not touching, just staring at each other.

“How does this work?”

“Uhm… You gotta, bite me? I think it has to be on my neck too, but that’s all there is to the mark”

Connor closes his eyes, he knows that this needs to happen if they’re going to keep the lie up, and he knows they’ve agreed, but…

“Are you sure you want this? It doesn’t have to be now, or ever, you could just get a tattoo or-“

“Connor”  
“Yeah?”

“I’m not going to lie, this is a bit terrifying, but I trust you, and I really think you’re it for me”

Connor connects their foreheads, letting out a long sigh.

“Ok”

Connor moves again, makes eye contact, Evan nods before tilting his head to the side, exposing his neck, if Connor keeps thinking about it he won’t do it, so he shuts his eyes and leans over. Evan lets out a gasp when he bites down, but a hand keeps Connor from pulling away, he finishes and licks at it, then he’s allowed to pull back and see his handiwork.

The mark forms like a drop on ink taking over Evan’s skin, it consists two opposing tear shapes joined on the wider end, the upper half had curled lines, while the lower half was mostly sharp edges, Connor is lost on the meaning.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Being congratulated on something like this is an odd feeling, but it’s one Connor can live with if it means that the real connection he has with Evan remains, because truly the only thing that separates it from the real thing is the lack of sex… well, there were other things too, like the fact that Evan had the leading role, even if Connor was the more protective of the two.

He feels Evan’s hand grabbing his own, fingers tangling together, a statement, a promise, a reminder, and Connor thinks that if he’s got to spend the rest of his life with any one omega, then he’s thankful it’s the one besides him. He’s mated to Evan Hansen, and perhaps that wasn’t the original plan, or maybe it was, Connor can’t remember, and can’t seem to care, because it’s a good thing… to reiterate, sober Connor makes the better decisions.

 

_It ends, or it has to, it has to, but it doesn't. There's a definitive pause, a point where if this were a movie the scene would fade to black and the titles would roll, but this is real life, and it keeps going and going, and Connor keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, he keeps waiting for an ending that won't come, not because he wants it to, but he doesn't know how to deal with the amount of hope he's feeling when at the end of every day, there's another one waiting to happen.  
It ends in a way, but it doesn't end, and there's no going back; and there are days that will be bad, and it isn't perfect, but it's theirs, and this, Connor has come to appreciate. He isn't the only one trying, there's Evan, and here's the one thing Connor wishes will never end: he isn't alone anymore._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link to the picture just in case: http://starysky205.tumblr.com/post/167088995917/this-ones-for-the-ppl-at-ao3-who-read-everything

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Courted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12543676) by [Starysky205](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starysky205/pseuds/Starysky205)




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